I wrote this late last night and didn't dare post it until I had time to make sure it made sense. You know how nonsensical thoughts can be late at night. So here is my edited sensical version of my late night writing.
It's 11:45 p.m. and I'm laying here with my sidekick, which is not my husband, trying to help her go to sleep and wondering what this has to do with consecration (you may think this is a random thought, but hang in here with me) - my time, talents and all that I have to give to the building up of the kingdom of God. I'm laying here hoping it will give her some comfort and relief from the anxiety that's built up over the past 7-10 days of not being able to go to sleep, every other night. A cycle she's gets caught in again and again and ....
My sidekick, she's perfect. She has it made in the next life. But me … I'm not perfect and I'm totally okay with that. I'm realizing that my laying here is more for my benefit than hers. I'm laying here to learn more patience and selflessness. I'm laying here trying not to focus on the many unanswered questions to her jigsaw puzzle of a life (as referred to by my husband, who takes more than his fair share of nights with her) and trying instead to trust God's plan. Because He is the only one that has the plan to her puzzle. And because sometimes it's not only hard to see His plan, but it's hard to be patient and be humble and be shaped and be stretched and be submissive until I can see His plan. I should be better at this than I am. I am better at it than I use to be.
So here I lay, typing under my blanket, pretending that she's not looking at me, knowing that when I pull my blanket away she will totally be watching to make sure I'm still here with her, for her.
p.s. Sure enough, she was waiting and watching - all night long.
This is one place I love to go to in my mind and real life.
