Dad

Today is my father's 85th birthday, quite the milestone! We've done a little celebrating here while he's probably done a lot of celebrating with family he hasn't seen for years. Some perhaps even longer than a lifetime. The past four weeks since his death have caused me to think about a lot of things, especially the influence he has had in my life as well as the influence he will continue to have in my life. A dear friend shared a quote with me that I've spent some time pondering. Speaking of loved ones that have passed on, Joseph F. Smith said, 

"I claim that we live in their presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever." (April 1916 General Conference)

I have had my dad's image in my mind's eye quite frequently these past four weeks. I can't say that I've felt his presence, but I know he's close by. Why wouldn't he be. 

I've received quite a few gifts from my dad over the years and I think it's rather fitting to share some of those with you on his birthday. 

Like all of his children and grandchildren, I am the recipient of some beautifully handcrafted wood bowls and vases (the ones that have a little crack or blemish, a little more character 😉) that I will cherish and pass on to my grandkids. 

He gave me his love for the scriptures. I remember at a very young age walking in on him while he was studying the scriptures and still remember the spirit that was in that room. I knew then that his study time was very important to him. My study time is very important to me as well.

As a teenager I constantly felt his trust in me. Because of that trust, I never wanted to disappoint him. This was an unspoken trust, one of love. He told me I could use him as an excuse if I ever needed to get out of an uncomfortable situation, and I knew he meant it! Whenever I asked for his advice he would give me enough to give me confidence in making my own decisions. What a gift! 

For one of my birthdays he gave me a couple of medallions with depictions of womanhood on them. Dad didn't give very many tangible gifts, so this gesture spoke volumes to me. It told me of his love for my mom, me and each of my sisters and the profound respect he had for women and their divine roles. It confirmed in my mind the importance of my future role of being a wife and mother.

He loved my husband. (But seriously who doesn't?!) He cherished my kids and adored my grandkids. My son-in-laws were grandsons to him. June of 1996 - we counted down together to his retirement and the birth of my 5th child. He was just as excited for me as I was for him! 

There have been a few times over the past several years that I asked him for a father's blessing. A sweet, tender father's blessing. He would validate and confirm that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to be doing. He counseled me to be patient and trust in my Savior. Always that gift of trust. 

My dad's sweet and tender love and teasing ways with Lydia are probably the gifts I'll miss the most. The feeling was definitely mutual! The excitement of going to grandpa's house started about 5 miles from his home and showed in every fiber of her being! She knew where we were going and knew exactly who she wanted to see! 

One of the last gifts he gave me was four days before he passed away. We had some one on one time together on Temple Square after my niece's wedding. We strolled around a little bit and talked about some personal and not so personal things. Some perfect dad and daughter time. Truly a gift! 

The last gift I gave him ... a picture of his sweet Lydia tucked in the pocket of his white shirt. I know he is now her number one guardian angel. 

I am definitely going to miss my dad, but I know he will still be blessing my life in so many ways. Why wouldn't he! 

Plans

I wrote this late last night and didn't dare post it until I had time to make sure it made sense. You know how nonsensical thoughts can be late at night. So here is my edited sensical version of my late night writing.

It's 11:45 p.m. and I'm laying here with my sidekick, which is not my husband, trying to help her go to sleep and wondering what this has to do with consecration (you may think this is a random thought, but hang in here with me) -  my time, talents and all that I have to give to the building up of the kingdom of God. I'm laying here hoping it will give her some comfort and relief from the anxiety that's built up over the past 7-10 days of not being able to go to sleep, every other night. A cycle she's gets caught in again and again and .... 

My sidekick, she's perfect. She has it made in the next life. But me … I'm not perfect and I'm totally okay with that. I'm realizing that my laying here is more for my benefit than hers. I'm laying here to learn more patience and selflessness. I'm laying here trying not to focus on the many unanswered questions to her jigsaw puzzle of a life (as referred to by my husband, who takes more than his fair share of nights with her) and trying instead to trust God's plan. Because He is the only one that has the plan to her puzzle. And because sometimes it's not only hard to see His plan, but it's hard to be patient and be humble and be shaped and be stretched and be submissive until I can see His plan. I should be better at this than I am. I am better at it than I use to be. 

So here I lay, typing under my blanket, pretending that she's not looking at me, knowing that when I pull my blanket away she will totally be watching to make sure I'm still here with her, for her.

p.s.  Sure enough, she was waiting and watching - all night long. 

 

This is one place I love to go to in my mind and real life.

Goals

It's November 1st (okay, I wrote this last night, but couldn't add the links while writing this on my ipad) and a good a day as any to make some goals, I do believe. So here's my list for the next several ... years.

Goal #1 Be an awesome grandmother. This comes pretty easy when your grandbabies have the ability to wrap themselves around your heart, even if they are hundreds of miles away. It really is just the best thing EVER! 

Goal #2 Be a great mom. If I'm an awesome grandmother, then my kids should think I'm a great mom, right?

Goal #3 (Okay, these might not be in the proper order, but it's how I'm seeing things tonight.) Be a more attentive and fun to be around wife. 

Goal #4 Never suppress a generous thought. Plain and simple.

Goal #5 "... to focus not on what I can’t do but rather on what I can do.." This will take some work! My goal is to get to the point where the can'ts won't even cross my mind. 

Goal #6 Take care of myself - spiritually (study, read listen and ponder), physically (exercise and get what ever amounts of sleep are offered me), mentally (keep on taking one class at a time) and emotionally (hey, that's where my sure and rock-solid steady husband steps in!) 

I CAN do all of this! No problem! Got it in the bag! Go Vikings!

Bread

I love to make bread. I haven't always loved to make bread, but when I inherited this awesome beast of a mixer the love began to grow ... and grow. It's honestly about as old as I am! I know, I don't look that old, but, it seriously is.

I don't know how I became the chosen one to inherit the mixer. The favorite child. The middle child. The favorite child. Probably, the middle child. The love for bread making didn't come with the mixer, unfortunately. It took some time having it around, getting use to it, finding an actual place I could put it and then getting comfortable with the idea of YEAST!

But, my mom has always been super good at making bread, even my dad is an awesome bread maker, so you would think it would come naturally. I hate to brag, but once I took that leap and started making bread I found out I was pretty much a natural at making bread too. Not going to lie.

There were several tips I gathered before my first attempts at bread making, but probably the most important one was from my mom. She told me that if I gave a loaf away to someone every time I made bread, my bread would turn out. She was right! (Well, except one time it was a little extra dense and flat, but every other time it's turned out great!) (Oh, and except the other time that I forgot to add the salt and so I sprinkled some on top, which gave me an excellent idea for another twist to my bread recipes.)

I've tried a few recipes over the years, ones that have been in my family for years, recipes I pick up from church gatherings, recipes my husband has brought home from a cousin, etc. Then I've picked up tips like using wheat gluten, dough enhancer, potato flakes, vinegar as binders; how to let my bread raise, how to keep the yeast from going flat, etc.

But then I found THE bread recipe of ALL bread recipes! My mom actually pinned it on her pinterest board. What?! Was she keeping something from me?! The secret ingredient to this recipe is ... shhh ...  applesauce. I've tried substituting applesauce in other baked good recipes and am not a super big fan of what it does, so I was a little skeptical. I didn't want "cakey" bread. But hey, I'm always willing to try a new bread recipe.

Wow! Was it ever worth the try! Now I can't really use any other bread recipe. I've tried, but there's not another bread recipe like it out there. There's just simply not. Sorry.

Here's the link to the original recipe: miracle bread

And here's my take on it, just a few minor changes from the original. Granted I make this for 8 loaves, I will do my best to quarter it for 2 loaves. What? You're saying why is that so hard? Well, you see, recipes to me are just guides. Yeah, guides. If I'm talking to my mom while I'm making bread, she always asks me what combination I'm trying this time. She knows I can't stick with a recipe. It's true. I can't help it. But this recipe always, ALWAYS, turns out. Don't forget the salt. 

Maria's Version of Miracle Bread

1/4 c. sugar or honey
1/4 c. oil
 1/2 c. applesauce
 1 1/2 Tbl. yeast (quick-rising is the best!)
1 1/2 c. hot water
1 Tbl. white vinegar
1 c. oatmeal
2 c. whole wheat flour
1 Tbl. dough enhancer
1 1/2 Tbl. wheat gluten
4ish c. white flour
1 1/2 tsp. salt

Combine yeast, sugar and hot water in mixing bowl. Let sit while you gather the rest of the ingredients. (Get your salt out first. Just sayin'.) Add vinegar, oil, applesauce and oatmeal. Let sit for about 5 more minutes to let oatmeal soften. Then add whole wheat flour, dough enhancer, wheat gluten, 2 cups white flour and SALT. Mix and then add about 2 cups more flour until dough doesn't stick to the side of the bowl. Let it mix for about 10 minutes. The dough may initially not stick to the side of the bowl, but after mixing for a few minutes it may start getting sticky again, so add a little more flour until it doesn't stick anymore.

Take out of bowl and place on a lightly floured surface. Let it rest for about 5-10 minutes. Equally divide into 2 loaves, shape and place into greased pans. Let it raise for 30-45 minutes (it really does depend on the temperature of your kitchen.) Bake at 375 for 22-25 minutes. Turn out on cooling rack and let cool slightly before cutting. 

Trust me, you will thank me. And thank Chez Moi!

A few variations I've tried - oatmeal with white flour; seven grain cereal with white flour; seven grain cereal, oatmeal, wheat flour and white flour; white and wheat flour; even adding a little cornmeal to any of these is super yummy! If you use a seven grain, put it in with the water and let it soak a little to soften, too. The oatmeal basically dissipates, but the seven grain stays more firm and adds a nice texture to the bread.

Oh, and if you are looking for another super yummy and easy bread recipe that will make everyone think you're the best breadmaker EVER, try this one! 

You're welcome!  

Nudges

 

A couple of days ago I was getting ready to leave my house when I had this thought, prompting or nudge (we all probably call it something different) to stop and read the scriptures. My first thought was, no, I can do that a little later. I had to gather a couple of things before I left and, being the stubborn soul that I am, I had a couple more nudges. After about the 5th or 6th one, I thought, fine! I will! (Actually, I'm pretty sure I said it out loud.)

I pulled out my ... ipad, opened up my scripture app (because that's what I do these days) and went to the bookmark in my scriptures - Luke 22. As I started reading where I had left off the day before, I had this feeling that there was a lesson for me to learn. Maybe something to teach me about following those nudges the first time I feel them. :) As I read along, I came to verses 8-13 and something kind of caught my eye and I reread and then reread these verses again. A little background to these verses, it is time for the Passover. Christ sends Peter and John to arrange for a place for them to meet and have the Passover. He tells them to enter the city and a man would meet them. They are to follow him to the house he enters. There they are to ask the "goodman of the house" where the guestchamber is, where Christ can eat the passover with his disciples. I've read this several times before, but this time I stopped, and instead of thinking about what was going to happen next, I paused and thought about the two men that Peter and John approached.

Did they receive nudges? Did the first man follow the prompting that he received to go to the entrance of the city, maybe not knowing why, but found that he was in the right place at the right time to guide Peter and John to the "goodman's" house? And, what about the "goodman"? Did he receive a nudge to perhaps go and clean his upper room and furnish it, not knowing who he was preparing it for, just knowing that he needed to follow the prompting? No questions asked?

Not a super profound thought, but, kind of. Most of the nudges, thoughts or promptings I receive aren't huge, life-changing or profound. Most of them are quite simple, don't take much effort and can be fulfilled in a matter of minutes. After I follow through, I feel a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction and peace.